Why does anxiety not go away even though you try to control it?

There is something especially frustrating about anxiety: when it seems that everything is “okay” and, yet, your body doesn’t feel that way.
You may have read about breathing, tried to distract yourself, rationalized what you were doing.
It happens… and yet, the knot in the stomach appears. The tension in the chest returns. The
The mind speeds up. And then the question arises: why do I keep doing this if I know that nothing is happening?

What anxiety really is (beyond the symptoms)

When we talk about anxiety, we usually think of symptoms:

• Palpitations.
• Feeling of suffocation.
• Catastrophic thoughts.
• Insomnia.
• Irritability.
• Need for control.

But anxiety is not the enemy. It is a protection system. The problem appears
when that system is activated too easily or with too much intensity, even when it is no longer necessary.
There is a real danger. That is where many people start to feel exhausted.

Persistent anxiety: when the body does not disconnect

One of the things I hear most often in consultations is: “I don’t understand why I’m acting this way when I know it doesn’t make sense.”.
And it is important to say something clearly: anxiety does not always respond to logic,
responds to emotional memory.
Our brain stores experiences that were lived with fear, insecurity, or
overflow.

Although we rationally know that “it has already happened,” the body can still continue. reacting as if it were still happening.

That's why sometimes anxiety:

• It appears in affective relationships.
• It is activated in the face of criticism or conflict.
• It arises in times of change.
• It intensifies when we feel uncertainty.

Trying to control anxiety doesn't always work

Many people come to therapy after having tried for years to control their anxiety:

• Avoiding situations
• Anticipating all possible scenarios
• Striving to be always strong
• Seeking constant explanations

But anxiety doesn’t disappear when we fight it without understanding it. It reduces when we listen to it and work out its origin.

What is underneath the anxiety?

In many cases, when we delve deeply and without forcing the pace, we discover that anxiety is linked to:

• Past experiences that generated insecurity
• Moments when the person felt alone or overwhelmed
• Situations where he couldn't express what he felt
• Stories of demanding, fear of making mistakes or rejection

We don't always talk about major traumas. Sometimes they are seemingly “normal” experiences that left an emotional mark.

Anxiety can decrease when the nervous system feels safe

Therapeutic work does not consist only in learning techniques to calm anxiety — although that is also important. It consists of helping your nervous system stop living in a constant state of alert. When the experiences that underlie the discomfort are worked on, for example with the EMDR therapy, The body starts to react differently.
The intensity is low.
The frequency decreases.
The feeling of control ceases to be forced.

And something new appears: Internal security.

Asking for help is an act of self-care

Sometimes we wait too long before asking for support. We think we should be able to handle it on our own. That it’s not “that serious.” That others are going through worse things.

But living with constant anxiety wears you down. And you don't have to get used to it.

If you feel that anxiety is affecting your well-being, your relationships, or your daily life, it may be a good time to seek help. understanding what is holding it up.

Anxiety does not appear by chance. And it does not transform by chance either.

With the adequate accompaniment, It is possible to understand it, regulate it, and live with greater balance.

Frequently asked questions about anxiety